Lavi's Diary
by Emi-chan The Lucifer
Summary: A lavixKanda story. Lavi writes a diary everyday about the feelings that he shouldn't have. Rated M for further chapters


_Diary, 18__th__ Nov. 1867_

_This is my story…_

_This is… my beginning… no, rather it would be my end._

_I have never loved before, love is my end._

_Love is the end of my world._

_From all the places I've been, all the horrors I've witnessed, all the sadness that has come close to my soul, this is what has touched me the most. This is what made me think about life once again._

_This is what made me feel human. _

_Love._

_Or is just me who can't tell the difference? I shouldn't… I can't… I want this to happen, and yet, every time I think about it… it's wrong._

_Not wrong to me, but to the world._

_I'm not allowed. _

_Not allowed to seek what I have always wished to gain. _

_That person… actually, that man. That one man since I've met made me feel something strange. Something that's unexplainable. Somehow he made me happy, every time I met his black eyes my heart began to race like thunder, and somehow, he made me sad… He smashed my feelings back into my body again._

_I could stare at him for hours and when he would finally notice this dark aura would occur around him, a sign for me to leave. _

_But I wouldn't have time for it anyway, these weird fuzzy feelings. My job as a bookman comes first. _

_But is that really what I want in the end?_

_I have recently been assigned a mission whom I am to accomplish with Allen, bookman… and Yuu._

_I better shut my feelings, as always. _

_Lavi. _

**Chorus of love**

He placed the book at the bottom of his backpack, he didn't want anyone to read the contents of this 'silly old diary' especially not bookman. A chill rolled down his spine when he thought of the old man.

He made a sigh as he swung it on his back. He went on his way down to the carriages that were to take them away.

Komui Lee, a man with black swirling hair and a crazy look on his face stood by them to wish them farewell. He was feared around the place due to his crazy behavior, though he was admired for the man he was.

Lavi stepped into the carriage and took place by the window. He leaned to the side showing no care at all.

Allen, a boy with white hair and a cursed eye entered and placed himself next to Lavi. They both gave each a compliment as they recognized each other.

Lavi couldn't help but sigh, the one he waited for always came late, and it was so typical him. He smiled at the thought of that black-haired man.

Speaking of the sun, he entered. Nothing had changed about him. He was still as cold as ever and his ink-black hair flowed down on his back. But what caught Lavi's eyes the most, was his eyes. Those eyes that burned with a fire that couldn't be spoken off and yet so fragile they were.

That was the man he longed for, for some unexplainable reason.

Out of a sudden Lavi would burst out "Oi! Yuu! Good to see ya' again!" He smiled cheekily.

"Don't…call me that… baka-usagi!" Kanda replied and Lavi couldn't help but laugh.

Not long after a small man with one strand of hair and dark contours around his eyes entered, and once again the redhead opened up his mouth "Ah! Panda-!" He didn't get very far with his sentence before a small foot was placed inside his mouth by the small man.

"Don't let such garbage out of your mouth junior" he scolded the redhead coldhearted.

"Hai…bookman… remove your foot… please" Lavi winched.

"Have a safe trip! We'll be sure to greet you probably when you get back!" That was Komui. "Ah! And Lenalee told me to wish you a nice trip as well!"

Allen waved out of the window with his well known smile on his face, looking so sacred and innocent. But that was not what Lavi longed for.

All the way to their destination, no one said anything, nothing of importance that is. In the end Allen would fall asleep and Lavi would do his usual doodles on his face. Now he didn't look that innocent anymore he thought to himself. The place they were going to weren't that far off. A few hours later they stopped in a little town long away from headquarters.

The mission was of nothing special, to retrieve the innocence, and that was all.

They stopped right in front of a small inn. They took their bags and found their rooms and settled down. Soon enough they were on the move and out in town, searching for information. Everyone walked by themselves.

Though Lavi kept sure he had Yuu in sight. He felt like a stalker and tried to remain focused on his task, but somehow it gave him a bad feeling every time he couldn't see him, Yuu.

"Are you okay young man?" An old lady waved her hand in front of Lavi's eyes. He had lost his focus and quickly shook his head to continue the conversation with the lady.

"Ah! I'm sorry miss; I didn't sleep that well last night, ha ha!" He scratched his neck. "So, you said you had heard something, right?" And on it was with the boring job.

"That's right, something very dreadful; you see I was out searching for my cat!"

_Here we go again…_

"And then suddenly, right near the church a big explosion suddenly happened! Luckily my little kitten was safe and we went straight back home so she could have a good night's sleep"

"Ah, well, she sure did deserve that…" Lavi gave a little smile with a hidden twitch "You said near the church, I assume there is a graveyard close by?"

"Yes, right behind it, that is where my husband lie… oh how I miss my dear Gerard… You see, he was in the war"

_No more stories please_… Lavi thought, _better get out before my ears start bleeding…_

"It was nice talking to you ma'am, but I'm afraid I have to go" He made a small bow and walked away with large steps, while the old woman stood back blabbering about how she would tell him more stories when he came back.

Lavi headed for the church straight away. It wouldn't surprise him at all if the Akuma's were nesting there. This would really just be another boring and plain mission, just like all the others. He went out to graveyard and stood still for a moment.

This was a very beautiful place for a graveyard. Usually they would give him a bad feeling and a taste of death, but this somehow, felt like life.

The sun hadn't disappeared into the gray cloak of clouds yet and those last sunstrokes hit the beautifully proportioned graves with honor. Small colorful flowers twined round the rocks and made it all seem so peaceful. For a moment he forgot his purpose there.

The redhead closed his eyes and listened. And then he could hear him. Lavi quickly got behind a wall and looked out on the graves, and there he stood.

He wanted to yell out his name, but shut his mouth before he got there. He had to see this.

Kanda walked peacefully by himself. It was weird though, this beautiful scenery fitted him so well, much more than those heavy gray rocks at headquarters, Lavi thought to himself. So beautiful he was. Not a flaw. Not a single one.

"I'm not stupid baka-usagi, I know you're hiding behind there" He hissed at Lavi. Lavi quickly got up and scratched his neck while walking.

"Ah, I guess there is something hidden underneath all that hair!" The redhead laughed. He didn't want to say such a thing, though Kanda maybe wasn't the brightest kid of all, Lavi still didn't want to insult him.

"What was that?" The ponytail spoke as he glared at Lavi. His usual glare of course which Lavi just sighed at. But somehow… there was a different feeling to it this time; he could sense a hidden grin beneath that stone face.

"Ah… nothing" Lavi said with a hesitation. "Say, Yuu… What are you doing here?" It was a very obvious question, with a very obvious answer, though he had to ask it.

"Che, some old hag told there was something strange here" He didn't even look at Lavi when he answered but just continued walking deeper into the graveyard, and into a forest. Lavi couldn't help but follow.

They didn't say anything for a while until Kanda broke the silence.

"Quit following me"

Normally Lavi could just have turned back and left it at that, but he didn't want to. "Ah, but we were both directed to this please, we might as well work as a team, ne, Yuuuu desu!" He played with his name as the very last word. He didn't normally speak like this but he felt desperate.

At the blink of an eye, Kanda turned on his heel and stood face to face with Lavi. The redhead almost bumped into his chest and barely managed to keep his balance. He looked up at Kanda who just glared at him. He couldn't tell how he felt from that expression. It was simply just blank; as if you poked him he would collapse as a doll.

"What is it that you want… baka-usagi" Was that… a grin? Lavi surely thought he could see a grin for a second or two, but it was gone as quickly as he came.

"wh-what do you mean, Yuu?" Somehow he made Lavi feel anxious. But why? It was just a regular question like; what is your favorite color? Do you like soba? Or have you ever heard the tale of the Jackalope?

Why would Lavi get anxious from such a normal question?

"I mean what I say… you're stupider than I thought"

"I only meant to follow you since we're on the same mission…"

"Oh really?"

"Yes! What else would it be?"

"Hmmm… just a tiny guess…"

"A guess? What guess?"

"You seem rather anxious around me these days… why?"

"I am not!"

"Yes you are" And by that Kanda placed a hand gently on Lavi's right cheek and pulled him over for a kiss.

Lavi widened his eyes. That seemed so far from the Yuu he knew, even the way he talked before, seemed nowhere like him, and though… it seemed so much like him.

And it felt nice. Those lips he had been dreaming about were placed upon his. That rough hand he usually holds his sword by caressed his cheek. He closed his eyes and enjoyed every single moment of it.

What felt like a lifetime only took 5 seconds and Kanda pulled back again.

They both did nothing but stare at each other, hypnotized, into the others eyes. "Wha-… why?" Lavi managed to squeak out.

"Che, let's get back to our mission" Kanda turned around quickly and walked with quick steps away from Lavi. Lavi swore he could see a pinkish color on Kanda's face. And he swore he was about to get that same blemish.


End file.
